Miss Fuglyverse
Michael meets an ugly girl on his stroll through the cemetery, where she spitefully mourns over her beautiful, dead sister's grave.
Never letting a twisted opportunity go to waste, Michael
decides to cheer up the girl by declaring he will run the inaugural Miss Fuglyverse pageant with her as his star attraction.
So begins a recruitment campaign, leading him to wear a billboard while handing out flyers on the street; disguised as a racial minority, and the propositioning of inhabitants at a Spastic centre and a grimy Laundromat.
To desperately drum up publicity, Michael hires his own
media scrum to chase him around
Eventually after some bribed cops bust up his auditions at
the cemetery, he attracts the attention of the real media, landing guest
appearances on The View, Oprah and Dr.Phil, where to
his delight; he receives a grilling while staunchly defending his pageant.
The pageant commences at a maximum security prison with sex
offender inmates judging the collection of hideous finalists. The winner is
deemed to be the least fuckable.
Ultimately it goes down to the wire with two contestants
tying. A final vote is cast by Michael's
neurotic Maltese terrier, pronouncing the victor by vomiting at the feet of who
it deems is the uglier girl, who happens to be in a wheelchair, motionless and
smelling pretty bad.
The police soon arrive and point out that the winning
contestant is in fact, a corpse, and accuse Michael of digging her up for cheap
ratings.
However it's soon revealed that the beaten finalist,
Michael's bitter and distraught inspiration for starting the pageant, dug up
her own sister and entered her into the contest in the desperate hope of
beating her at something in life, or even in death.